06 JUL 3304
Amid growing public mistrust of a fringe sect that worships the Thargoids, a report suggests that the group’s members may be undercover Thargoid agents.
Independent journalist Flint ‘Firemaker’ Lafosse shared his theories via the Rewired news feed:
“I’m sure you’re all just as creeped out as I am by those hooded monks and their stinking hive-chapels. Granted, being creepy isn’t a crime, and I’m as live-and-let-live as the next man. But isn’t it strange that this cult is rising just as the Thargoids return in force?”
“The idea of humans working on behalf of aliens might sound crazy, but think about it. All those escape pods captured by Thargoid ships…what did they want them for? After a bit of brainwashing, they’d make perfect spies, sent back to infiltrate humanity using this religion as a cover.”
“What scares me is that these freaks don’t communicate. They just lurk in the dark, waiting. Why are they so mysterious? What’s going on in those chapels? For all we know, they’re seeding our planets with barnacles and eggs, right under our noses.”
Leading exotheologian Dr Alfred Ulyanov responded with this comment:
“I can categorically answer one point: the reason the Far God worshippers are not interested in communicating is that, from their point of view, we will all be dead soon. As for the rest of this speculation, nothing in my studies has caused me to suspect this group to be a threat, despite its unsettling beliefs.”